I despise the human race...

I'm so livid... my blood is boiling. And I'm mostly just pissed at myself. I feel useless... feel like I am dealing with too much of problems that aren't even mine. I'm at the point of choking back tears right now... because of the way we treat others. The way we treat ourselves. I feel there is no hope for us some days and I dont know what to make of it. I feel like changing myself is not enough.

I have been in this situation for too long of being a nice guy. I have no idea what the right answer might be... I have no idea how to carry myself...

all I know is that I'm pissed off to no end... that hell hath no furry... because I know the way people treat their loved ones. I am crying right now too... I'm too fucking nice. I'm getting pissed off... and I really wish I knew what I could do.

But yeah. I just heard that my ex gf is getting beat again by her dad... maybe not severe, but its still physical beatings on top of his metal ones. I feel like she is only opening up to me... and I feel its my duty to call someone who can fix it. Who can take that awful man away. and I'm just bawling... idk if its cause I have some residual feelings for the poor girl... if its the fact that these bastards are doing this to their wives/children... if it reminds me of how much I despise my own father for putting his family through a mental hell.

But I decided... I didn't care what my actions might bring... I didn't want to be that person that could have done something but sat on their hands...

I feel its the hardest thing I have done in my entire life... but I called the child protective service for that area. Just got off the phone... I just dont want to have this stress be placed on my shoulders. I dont want to have anymore to do with it... I'm done. I'm finished. I dont want any more to do with her or her family and I intend to do just that. I really just hope I did the right thing....


But after all thats said and done... I want to never see that happen to my wife... my children. my family. I will not be that person, I only hope I can make it happen. I know how easy it could be to do something I'd regret... I just... I dont know anything. I feel very small. But I also feel a weight lifted off my chest.

Might just be the few shots of vodka I took tho... I'm not sure.