No sleep still ><

Thats right!! I'm going on... 2-3 hours of sleep from the previous day? Sounds about right. And the day of course wasn't very kind to me.
I've been watching alot of anime in the morning... catching up on tv shows... rereading some of my old books... Just trying to spend as much time as i can away from thinking too much. Thinking is bad for Squire... very bad. My imagination gets carried away and I start thinking crazy thoughts. ANYWAYS! >.>
Did random crap thru the morning. Maybe fell asleep for a short while to be pestered by someone or something... which happened around noon.
I wake up... and not on the Forsaken linkshell for more than 5 min... when I see Arison get on. Arison is Guiltydeath's kid. Sean. The one person I hate more than anything in the world. I am ready to type in "Congrats on having a new grandkid in the family" But... I waited too long... and probably a good thing I did. He claimed he was Guiltydeath. The person previously banned from the shell... the person who made my life a living hell... and somehow STILL continues to do so. For some reason... he isn't kicked out... he isnt told to get out... but he actually is welcomed back. People say they miss him. Chennery said "Hi hun, welcome back"
o.o
Its all I could do. How did he get so much love? I will never know... Made me sick. But didn't end there.
He had an announcement to make to tell everyone. "I am gonna be a Daddy!!!" He got even more love and affection and congrats!! all around... why? I dont even know. All I did was send a /tell to Blooddancer saying... wtf? And that I wanted to bitch him out but I wasn't going to start drama... start problems... god I wanted to... I had to tell Blood about 3-4 times that I wasn't gonna do anything... just to remind myself. I'm just glad he was gone later... but still felt sick... so I'm quitting that linkshell for a while... knowing he is still welcome in there... I can't help it... I feel a little betrayed by it... but... life moves on.

Eventually my mom calls me from the house phone to my cell... I'm downstairs. In her home.
*shrugs*
She wants me to first, take care of some divits she made in the front yard by digging up weeds. Then I'm free to do whatever again in my room. Ate some food... and then was called up by mom again (on my cell phone... again...) to come upstairs to clean up some more. Only, I was to mow the grass because my brother apparently stopped by to do that. Worked for a while... came back in pretty tired cause I'm really not used to physical labor... and mom asks if i was hungry and had an idea for dinner. Food is always good. I suguested subway. Sounded good for my tummy. But... she didnt like the idea of getting a bad soggy sub (maybe). So with that shot down, she said 5 Guys burgers. I figured, what the heck. What harm could that do?

I ordered a baccon cheeseburger... normal topings. Took my first bite into the sandwhich... and I litterally felt ill. I dont get my stomach at some times... but I knew I needed to eat. I was hungry. I hadn't had but... 2 small burrito's for lunch. that was all the food I've had today. And I couldn't stomach the stupid burger. So instead I ate fries that went down better than a burger, but still got hard to swollow, some soda and some peanuts. I actually ate about half the sandwhich... but I felt so gross after that last bite, I felt if I had anything... I'd lose what I'd just accomplished in eating.

Then I was home again. Got back to my pc, and Feiht had just sent a /tell 5 min before. Just my luck! Right? no... not quite. She wasn't feeling well... she wasn't talking much... said I wasn't talking much and being distracted... and... just wasn't such a great evening. Gets worse when she says she has to go with her mom to work at the hospital. -_- Shes then gone. Again. I really am not sure what to think... I feel like I need to give her some space and some time to do things for herself... but I haven't been able to spend any time with her for the last... week... week and a half. Maybe... MAYBE if I'm lucky, I'll talk to her for an hour or 2 before something goes amiss... or she has to go... or her internet breaks... I feel like its me she wants to get away from.
But today... she said that she feels bad that she hasn't been able to spend much time with me, that she feels its her fault cause of it. I didn't feel like I provoked this answer out of her... So... I'm really confused and feeling like I'm the asshole again making assumptions and jumping to wrong conclusions... that really this last week and a half has been so god awful that she can't really talk...

I'm still not sure what to think.

But we did spend some time tonight together. maybe... an hour. We partied with a new linkshell I got the night before. Good group of people. We just did Fields of Valor pages in Cape Tarrigon (sp?) not sure how I felt about it... cause at the end I ended up saving the afk Feiht again... as she agroed 3 different mobs that were even matches to me... and I ran them off... got killed... she survived... and I made little to no exp after the death... cause i had to Home Point... -_-;; I'm not one to care about experience usually... but I guess I felt it could have been avoided. She just stood there for 5 min as I fended off the mobs after she just got back from a dissconnect. No red dot over her head... just stood there. So... I was a little flustered after she gets back and says she needs to go. She tried to raise me. But just got her killed, and thats what I was trying to prevent in the first place. So rather her waste more exp... I HPed and we parted ways.
That was about 2 am.

Not sleeping sucks... and I'm ranting on about nothing important so.... gonna stop there.
To a lovely new day! (hopefully)
Till then.